A Year in Review.

The things I most want to remember about 2012...in 10 minutes...in no particular order...

A Colorado Christmas - My first home with Owen - Almost 2 years together - Starting my tea cup collection - Listening to myself (walking away from a job and some relationships that no longer served me) - The Indiegogo campaign - 4th of July at Andy's parent's house - Matt Glass & Sandra's visit before moving to London - Taking maternity pics of Tay & Adam - Baby Luca is born! - Hosting my first women's retreat - Heather came to visit from Arizona (and we pigged out on Good Times) - Being so proud of Carrie & her fitness challenge to others - Visiting the farm with the O'Ramzyck clan - Meeting baby Francis for the first time - Baby Jack is born! - Baby Zoe is born! - O's 2nd year art show - Being a TA for Daniel, Michael & Les - Volunteering for OASOS - Planning Pride Fest - Interviewing with Frank at BCAP - Photographing a Drag Show - Saying aloha to Leah & Olive - Cousin Amy living in Boulder & moving back to Wisco - Helping Adam pack up the apartment before he headed to Ohio to be with Taylor - O planting a garden in our backyard (funded by Mom & Home Depot) - Getting cheese in the mail - Jason Mraz at Red Rocks for my 28th birthday - Birthday dinner with Aimee & Raf (and one perfect pink cupcake) - Shannon & Nat's beautiful wedding - 6th Annual O'Neil family picnic - Chocolate Lovers' Fling - Getting hired at MESA & Attention Homes - President Obama's speech on election night - Getting a ukulele for my birthday - Surgery recovery & all the soup - Mom's excitement for when we come back home - Reconnecting with my camera/taking photo walks - Blogging again - Seeing Brene Brown live - Cheese/Wine/Dairy Queen & the Car Wash on our anniversary - Champagne bubble baths - My first grown-up Christmas tree - Inner Excavation Blog Along - Discovering the bloody mary salad at Jelly - Hapa Sushi Valentine's Day by candle light - Andy Hall's visit to Boulder - Call Me Maybe Music Video - Owen's birthday at Jai Ho Bolder - Sending Princess Boy & And Tango Makes 3 to all my kiddos - Birds tattoo - Ana Silvia's maternity shots - Nederland kidnapping with picnic and video - Pinterest - Walking in the Denver Pride Parade - Brenda & Petey's visit & painting in the front yard - Making our collaborative landscape painting - Traveling to visit Owen's family in March - Mom's visit and watching O get an acorn tattoo - Testosterone - Going into the new year feeling excited and ready for what is to come.

Welcoming in the new year.

Oh my, it has been a very busy holiday season.  I am finding some solace and time to breathe with warm cups of tea, reflection & my new copy of the Desire Map.  2012 was one of the biggest years of my life and the next year is going to be an even bigger one, I can feel it already.  I love to set goals and intentions and the ritual of "starting over" on January 1st...but I also don't want to get stuck in setting expectations that are unrealistic or feel limiting.

Rather than get stuck in to do lists or "shoulds" I am focusing on how I want to feel in 2013.  After 2.5 whole days with my new book and lots of reflection, here are my core desired feelings for 2013!  Through the Desire Map program, these will help guide me in life, love, relationships, spirituality, wellness & creativity throughout the year...this is how I want to feel in all areas of my life:

This image created through the desiremap.com e-portal

What these words mean to me...

Expansion.
Growth, development, unfolding, searching, evolution, transformation, improvement.

Light.
Bright, clear,  radiant, polished, sunny, warm, effortless, playful, whimsical, illuminated.

Trust.
Belief, assurance, confidence, faith, hope, courage, determination.

Grace & Devotion.
Dedication, service, gratitude, sanctity, sacredness, passion, reverence, love, dignity, poise.

Intimacy.
Connection, communion, authentic communication, friendship, affection, closeness, inwardness.

Advent Calendar DIY

I decided to create my own advent calendar this year!  I used some shutters that are already up in our house.  I put glittery numbers on fun cardstock and used clothespins to secure them to some special treats (from Mom).  I decided to do a little something extra this year, adding festive activities to help us get into the spirit!  After all, for me the holidays are all about family, friends, gratitude and celebration!  

Here's the list I've made for us - I'll mix them up (so even I'll be surprised at what we get) & we'll read one each morning so we have time to prepare for the evening's activity. Feel free to print these and use them for yourself!  They would be great cut up and stuck in a jar or bowl if you don't have time to craft an advent calendar yourself.

Happy holidays!

Cuddle up!  Take a hot bubble bath and cozy up in some warm pajamas.  (Don’t forget the slippers)

Movie Night! Find a holiday movie or show you haven’t watched yet and enjoy a festive story!

All the Pretty Colors! Take a drive around the neighborhood to check out all of the Christmas lights.  Pack some hot cocoa for the road.

Fragrant Festivities! Bake up some fragrant cinnamon applesauce ornaments for the tree using your new cookie cutters!

Share the wealth! Drop off a surprise homemade holiday card or package on a friend’s doorstep.

Good deeds! Think of 3 good deeds that you can do before your head hits the pillow tonight.  Share them with each other at the end of the day.

I just called to say “I love you!” Give a loved one a call and tell them just how much you love and appreciate them.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer… Make a holiday ukulele-gram!  Pick a fun Christmas song to share with family and friends this holiday season.

Christmas coke! An early Christmas treat!  Sip an ice cold coke (adorned by Santa) by the imaginary fire tonight.  Don’t forget to cheers!

Peace on Earth, “Goodwill” To Man! Pack up some warm clothes, scarves or mittens you don’t need any more and drop them off at a thrift store.

Presents! Take a look around the tree – find your holiday gifts from Mom & Dad O’Neil.

I got it! Do something kind and unexpected for each other today.  Nothing too big, just a little something extra to say “I love you.”

Cranberry beauty! String some cranberries on a line to make a beautiful holiday garland for the Christmas tree.

Starlight, Starbright! Find a pretty tree-topper, put it on top and make a Christmas wish.

It’s a date! Find a local holiday-themed event and put it on the calendar – craft market, holiday concert, light show, parade, etc.

Falalala-libations! Whip up a warm holiday cocktail. What will it be?  Spiced rum & apple cider?  Baileys & hot chocolate, anyone?

Relaxation Time! Foot rubs and scalp massages for everyone!  Take turns pampering each other!

Hide the Christmas Pickle! Find a secret hiding spot deep on the tree!  Whomever finds it on Christmas day will get a reward!

Stocking Stuffers! Open up some goodies tonight!  What’s in your stocking!?

Get Crafty! Decorate toilet paper roll Christmas ornaments to commemorate your first Colorado Christmas together.

Family Christmas Picture! Get cozy, put on your Santa hats and pose for some cheesy candid pics by the tree!  SMILE!

Candlelit Dinner! Light the candles, pour the wine, and have a romantic dinner at home.  No phones, no computers, just us.

Dollar Store Adventures! Head to the Dollar Tree and find some cheap graham crackers, frosting and candy to craft a pretty little holiday house to display!

It’s Christmas Eve! Open presents.  Be thankful.  Hug each other often.

Grace.

I believe in synchroncity.  Signs, guidance, divine intervention...whatever you call it I believe it has granted me incredible gifts and wisdom in this lifetime.  Lately I have been surrounded by articles, quotes, beauty, and blog posts pointing me to "Grace".  Whether it be through kindness and goodwill, faith and prayer, forgiveness or charity, beauty or elegance...the word Grace holds multiple meanings that continue to inform me.  I am intentionally inviting Grace into my life, acknowledging that it is coming to me at this time for good reason.

Part of this journey with Grace links back to wholehearted fitness, being more alive, practicing gratitude & making special via mindful eating.  I want to bring the essence of Grace into my day by coupling it with a daily ritual - meal time.  It's an old tradition, saying Grace, one that used to come so smoothly:  "Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts..."  The words have changed over the years as my spirituality has grown and adapted itself but in the end the new words embody the same reverence and honor for my many blessings.

This morning O handed me a new book that he received in the mail.  I opened up the book to a section titled "Reclaiming my body as my sanctuary" which included a short prayer or meditation to help one become more connected to the food that they are putting into their bodies.  It felt like exactly what I needed in that moment - just another marker leading me to Grace.

It reads:

"This food is the gift of the whole universe: the earth, the sky, numerous living beings, and much hard, loving work.  May we eat with mindfulness and gratitude so as to be worthy to receive it.  May we recognize and transform our unwholesome mental formations, especially our greed, and learn to eat with moderation.  May we keep our compassion alive by eating in such a way that we reduce the suffering of living beings, preserve our planet, and reverse the process of global warming.  We accept this food so that we may nurture our sisterhood and brotherhood, strengthen our communities, and nourish our ideal of serving all living beings."

- Ryu Cheng meditation via Freeing Ourselves, p. 91 by the Brown Boi Project

A spoken prayer declares aloud what is implicit in the breath: 

the sacredness of ordinary life and the splendor of ordinary love.

- Kate Braestrup via Real Simple (click for full text - worth a read)

You did it!

The campaign is over.  With a goal of $7,000 you all have gone above and beyond in raising $8,055!  We were giggly and overjoyed when we made this video - as well as moved to tears. You can never know how deeply we have been touched by the love and support of the people in our lives and people who have come into our lives since the start of the campaign.

This has been a triumph in our lives, a huge success for Owen and I believe a big statement and story of inspiration for the transgender community.  Owen is coming in to himself and he has been embraced, we have been embraced, with such love.  We are all truly worthy of love & belonging and O + I are both on a mission to show that there are happy stories and love stories for trans* people - we are a living example.

We did it! Thank you! from Owen on Vimeo.

Paper Snowflakes

I found this lovely little note tucked in my pocket this morning when I went to grab my gloves. O knows me well - surprise notes of encouragement and affirmations make me giddy. I took this challenge and decided to play! It's getting chilly, the snow is on the ground so I officially started the holiday decorating. I made paper snowflakes and hung them all around the apartment! My inner-child is pretty blissed out right now.

Thank You.

Me + Dad - both of my parents are proud veterans.

Many Americans mistakenly confuse Veterans Day with Memorial Day - the day America sets aside to honor US military who have died in battle.  Veterans Day honors ALL American veterans, both living and dead. Veterans Day is mostly intended to thank the living veterans for their service to our country. November 11 of each year is the day that we ensure veterans know that we deeply appreciate the sacrifices they have made.  As an Army brat I'm extra grateful for all of those that served and taught ME what it means to be loyal & dedicated, who showed me how to work hard & build community, who honored the resiliency of their children & did the best that they could, who made me laugh & gave me hope, who put others' needs before their own...I am proud to know you and grateful to have you in my life.  And to all of the spouses, families, and military brats that have years of dedicated service under their belts - your sacrifices, your strength & your service do not go unnoticed.

Thank you.  Happy Veterans Day.

Gratitude.

Gratitude.

* warm cuddles * paper snowflake chains * handmade craft markets * new books * thrift store treasures * warm boots * fuzzy sweaters * surprise love notes * Christmas movies * kind strangers * children's laughter * furry friends * car dancing * silly text messages * inspired conversation * bubble baths * feeling better * good friends * daydreams * sharing secrets * new recipes * peppermint chocolate *

Truly. Blessed.

On Feeling Full.

In August I wrote a post on Spiritual & Emotional Portion Control.  I laid out the different areas of my life and gave thought to how much space I wanted each element to take up on my metaphorical plate.  I did some re-evaluating and started to make some changes.  Here we are, almost 3 months later, ready for a portion control check-in.

*Drum roll please*.... Life is good!  Although a few areas are still a little out of proportion, many areas of my life have begun to settle back into a comfortable place.  I'm feeling challenged at work, I look forward to going (I have somewhere to go!) and I'm learning a lot.  My relationships feel grounded and I feel connected to friends/family/my partner.  I have a good book that I can't put down, art to make, a ukulele to play and photo walks to take.  On a scale of 1-10 I would say I'm at at least an 8 or 9 in most areas of my life!

Relief & gratitude.  That's what I'm feeling.  Thank you ebb & flow, I'm grateful for you. Tonight I created this visual depiction of what my ideal life proportions look like via polyvore.com.  Play, love, community, creativity, writing, work, etc. are all here and beautifully working together.  The plate is full but it feels good.

Areas that are still  needing a little adjustment:
- physical activity/exercise have been scheduled into my google calendar for the week as have house chores (these are the things that are easily pushed aside)
- I have also scheduled in time for meditation and self-reflection time
- I want to continue to create opportunities for more connection with the friends and family that I have in Colorado, nurturing our relationships and spending time together while we are still so close together

Cozy Getaway.

I'm feeling under the weather - congested, coughing, want to curl up with a cozy blanky and a cup of hot tea.  Instead, I'm sitting in an office working an overnight shift.  If I can't take a real trip I'll just take a make-believe one...

Photo Credit: flickrhivemind.net

Photo Credit: flickrhivemind.net

Picture Credit: notestoafurtherexcuse.com

Picture Credit: We're Just Sayi

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